it is torture ! seeing you every night in my dreams and seeing you every where I go and what do I have ? nothing , am not even sure if I do have your heart . sometimes you make it sound so easy that I feel like am the luckiest girl on earth and sometimes you make me feel like you don’t give a damn shit . what am I suppose to believe , my heart ? my brain ? because both of them are struggling to believe you are the one and maybe am myself trying to convince them you are the one ! at the same time I want you out , out of my heart,my mind ,my life ..I waited too long but I can still wait thousand years ..but where does that gonna get me ! I just can’t stop thinking that after all this you will be just another man who’ll just find another girl and leave and eventually I will be just another girl with another broken heart . But what can I say am just another girl that loves a man from the bottom of her heart
Sometimes I find myself in front of the mirror asking myself this “ why do I give everything in a relationship ? “ and I keep asking trying to find out if am being stupid and somehow romantic or simply real and honest . Where did that get me ? obviously being easily broken . I can’t deny that “I ‘ve been treated like dirt too many times “ but that didn’t stop me one second from trusting people , from giving them second chances and from trying always to see the good in them . I fight ,I struggle ,I be patient and I forgive and that’s sure as hell not easy to do ,but what can I say , commitment is my middle name .They say everyone learn from their mistakes but have you ever really met someone who hasn’t make the same mistake twice ? some people tend to be more careful , not get too attached the second time and avoid all the drama . Others will shut themselves emotionally saying that expecting anything from no one will guarantee you a happy life . seriously ? that’s what I call escape ,how does that makes life exciting ? Wait can truly be pointless , full of suffering and disappointments but it is also wait that keeps us alive , believing , waiting , hoping and full of life . It’s a magical chaos ,being numb will probably make your life easier but for sure won’t make it unforgettable . Every once and a while , you see such a status on facebook saying you should step up ,be strong , don’t wait or expect anything from someone who let you down and this and that ..well people we know that but that’s not real life . like it or not , there’s a part of us that is vulnerable , that waits ,wants and hopes . So personnaly I don’t believe in neither ways and with every new person ,I see a new challenge ,a new lesson to be learnt . I end up disappointed but stronger so the next hit wont hurt me as the last one did. So that’s not a reason to change myself because perhaps one day ,I ‘ll meet the person who appreciate the “ real me “ and not end up at the end of the day in front my mirror asking myself the same stupid silly question
Am not the girl who will do everything she’s told ,am the girl who will find diffrent ways not to do the things she is supposed to do
I don’t write for the sake of writing but rather for the sake of finding peace within my soul
It’s not your charm or your sweet talk at midnight that will seduces me ,nor the promises that you keep saying and filling my heart with ,will make me fall for you . Because sir am not seeking for the charm and am not seeking for the romance as much as I am longing for a man with word . A man with such principles that will put me first ,wont runaway from his responsibilities and keep struggling until the last breath . A man in whom I find myself going through all kinds of wars that will keep me fired up all the way down ,but I won’t be fighting alone because he’ll always got my back , Then and only then ,I find peace within me . I love my life , filled with shit and problems . True . filled with disappointments .True. Filled with anger and hate . definitely true . I’m a fighter and I love to fight for what I believe in and for what I am fond of , so if you’re not ready for such a war then sir you should step back for my gladiator to appear.